Sports Illustrated really used to be something

Ah, the nostalgic tale of a Sports Illustrated fanatic, clinging to the good ol' days when print media was king and woke culture hadn't yet turned journalism into a game of political Twister. Let's break down this sob story.

First off, the author's childhood obsession with Sports Illustrated is like a die-hard carnivore reminiscing about the golden age of steak before tofu took over the menu. Back then, SI was the bacon of sports journalism – savory, addictive, and politically incorrect. But let's not kid ourselves, this wasn't War and Peace; it was a glossy distraction filled with high school football and musings on why Dwight Gooden's fastball was more elusive than a coherent thought in a woke seminar.

Fake sports stories could only improve woke stories right?

Then, the tragedy strikes – Sports Illustrated might be biting the dust. Apparently, the magazine's current overlords, Authentic Brands Group, decided that AI-generated gibberish and ad-centric drivel were the way of the future. Who needs journalistic integrity or deep sport exploration when you've got algorithms that can churn out sports stories faster than a politician can flip-flop on an issue?

But wait, there's more. The magazine's union is up in arms because the big, bad corporate giant is laying off staff. Oh, the horror! It's almost like they just discovered that businesses exist to make money, not to provide lifetime employment guarantees.

Sports Illustrated your guide to all social issues

And let's not forget the juicy part where the author learned all about race, sexuality, class, and gender in sports through SI. Because nothing says 'enlightening sports journalism' like shoehorning social justice issues into every nook and cranny of what used to be a straightforward recounting of who won the game and who didn't.

Authentic Brands Group insists SI isn't dead yet, which is corporate speak for "We're still figuring out how to milk this cash cow while paying lip service to journalistic integrity." Meanwhile, the sports world is changing faster than a chameleon in a disco. NFL is eyeing a piece of ESPN, making us wonder if independent sports media is about to go the way of the dodo.

Where's your edge

Sports Illustrated once shone a light on the darker aspects of the sports world, but now it seems they're more interested in being a feature of the night, whatever that means. Probably just a fancy way of saying they've lost their edge.

Baltimore loves right wing smartphones

And Sinclair Inc. is buying the Baltimore Sun, promising to transform it into a beacon of right-wing rhetoric. Because what's a city without a newspaper that's openly at war with its own community?

The author's lament about the end of an era and the loss of SI for his son is like mourning the loss of rotary phones in the age of smartphones. Yes, it's sad in a nostalgic way, but let's face it, the world moves on, and so does media.

In conclusion, this story of Sports Illustrated's downfall is a lesson in what happens when you trade journalistic integrity for woke virtue signaling and AI-generated nonsense. It's a reminder that in the quest to be politically correct, you might just lose the very soul that made you great in the first place.